Female Young Messiah
by whiplash-girlchild
Summary: AU - Emily's POV. What happens when a jaded 25 year old Emily meets the one person she'd been wishing for? Again I posted all 40 pages in one go, hope that's alright. :  Sex/language/perviness/humor - Naomily/Keffy


Female Young Messiah – by Whiplash-Girlchild

**Author's note: I am a pervert and a romantic. My previous story was too sweet for some. Sorry, it's just how I roll. This one is AU and different, still pervy, Emily's perspective. If you like it, please review me. **

Emily Fitch, Patron Saint of "Girls Who Can't Commit." That was what Katie called me, all the time. I had become so accustomed to this title, I began to believe it. Every time I entered into a new relationship it was brief and tumultuous. I always seemed to fall for the "straight girls" or the girls who thought they were; until they suddenly weren't, until they were kissing me, groping me, taking me to bed. Then they would run, far and fast and hem and haw when I asked why. It was breaking me slowly, really. They were breaking over me like the tide, dragging me under and pulling me out to sea. I was lost. I hated myself and I began to hate love, too. Katie had known I was gay for a long time before she asked me about it, simply one day while we were by the lake.

"_Ems?" she began._

"_Yes, Katie," I looked up at her questioning, never suspecting what came next._

"_Are you gay?" she blurted._

"_Wot?" I said more defensive than I realized. "No, Yes, I mean. No. Well, a little." I was sputtering; I was falling off a cliff with no parachute. I was panicking. _

"_I mean, it's okay if you are," she had said. "I won't tell mom and dad til' your ready." _

There was more, each of us crying. Hugging, explaining our fears. I'm tired of explaining my fears now. I'm tired of hearing girls explain them to me. I'm ever so tired of it. I shuffled out of bed and got ready to go out with Katie and Effy. I hated going out. I used to look forward to it, the thrill of meeting someone knew, the blush in their cheeks, trying to remember what they looked like in detail the next day. It held no promise for me now. I moved into the shower. I undressed and I let the water spill over me. I closed my eyes and wished for someone. I had been wishing since I was a little girl, for the other half of me. The part of me I knew, I was missing. I have silly romantic notions sometimes, but what girl doesn't?

I let the water run over me and I wished. I wasn't too specific. I thought it was too greedy to be specific with fate. Like, you're asking too much of the universe if you want her 5'6 and Blonde with pale blue eyes or something, I am attracted to that type but I try not to be specific. I wished for her to be kind, smart, and funny, and to love me. God, I wished for her to love me. I tried to picture her face hazily in my mind, her body. I felt my muscles tighten between my legs. I began to slowly rub my breasts, teasing each nipple alternately. Sparks shot through my veins, straight to my brain. I worked myself into a frenzy. Stroking myself furiously as the water flowed over me, warm and soft, just like she would be. I plunged my fingers into my wetness and cried out. I muttered to myself, things I can't remember now. I pictured her touching me, touching her. I pumped harder and harder, until I was quivering and shaking from orgasm.

Pathetic, I thought to myself. Pathetic.

I quickly dressed myself hoping that Katie hadn't heard me in the shower. We had been sharing a flat since we began University. We moved from home straight after college. Our parent's relationship was less than ideal and our own personal identities clashed with our parent's values. Well, mostly mine but Katie was nothing if not loyal. I loved her for that. I sometimes hated her for it too.

"Emily," Katie bounded into my room "Hurry up, yeah? Effy is going to get us into that new club downtown."

"Oh great," I voiced flatly and it didn't escape Katie's notice.

"Come on, you surly bitch," Katie said teasingly "Loosen up. Hasn't it occurred to you that you can just fuck around with someone? You know, just sex?"

"Just sex," I said. Just sex, had never interested me. Wait, don't get me wrong. I love sex with girls. Their lips, thighs, bottoms, breasts; Oh God, I started tingling all over again. I mean, I just wanted more, from the get-go. I wanted so desperately to feel loved. I had lost my virginity, how funny to think about it now, in College – to a girl who didn't love me. She wanted me, sure. She just didn't want to be with me. I started to feel like something was wrong with me. Was I so unlovable? I did all the right things, I thought. I felt pretty on some days. On others I just felt the weight of all those rejections like a cross upon my shoulders. I was being pulled down.

I walked with Katie and Effy up to the club. It looked like all the others, I mused. Neon signage in front screaming its tacky name, dirty brick structure with a flimsy black wood door. Not elegant. Not beautiful. Not anywhere the girl of your dreams could be hiding. I sucked in my breath as we walked inside.

We sat talking consuming drink after drink. Effy ordered us all shots. I slammed one down upon the table wiping my mouth delicately. Katie laughed at me and we joked. The last remaining rays of sun were sneaking through the tiny windows of the club as darkness began to fall. I wasn't sure how long we'd been there, I didn't much care either. The alcohol surged in my veins and I began to feel bulletproof and much less tender. The door at the front of the club swung open. I turned to face the noise from more people coming inside.

Two boys walked in, one had short hair and was very animated. I assume he was saying filthy things from his gestures and mannerisms and the laughter of his companion. The other boy was lean and his skin was a soft brown. His hair fell shaggy in his face. He smiled at me. I showed him nothing but indifference. The two boys parted to approach the bar and then I saw her.

She was ethereal, taller than me with honey blonde hair that made me want to lick it. Her skin was milky white and I knew that it would be so soft if I touched it. Her lips were beautiful and elegant and pulled into a broad grin, possibly from that foul boy's gestures. Her eyes. God. I gasped internally. They were pure ice blue, the color of the bluest and brightest skies and they held the depths of the deepest oceans within them. I could see her, but goddamn it, did I ever want to touch her. I felt the warmth spread through my chest and moved slowly between my legs. I was aroused by looking at her.

She eyed me curiously for a second. I dipped my head, hiding beneath the flame red of my hair, as I often did. When I raised my eyes to meet hers again, she hadn't looked away. She was still looking at me, her face inscrutable. I watched as her eyes flitted occasionally across the room, then I saw her eyes travel over the length of my body. I shivered. She was checking me out, wasn't she? Hello, do you want to go somewhere and fuck, blue eyes? My mind screamed. I couldn't think well, the alcohol now seeming like a bad, a very bad idea.

The two boys nudged her and one of them winked at me. He was the filthy one, the one I knew I wouldn't like too much. He seemed to be close to the statuesque blonde, so I began not to care too much about his vulgarity, I just wanted to be close to her. Something was pulling at my heart and it felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest. My heart felt like it was breaking my ribs. I gasped for air.

"Emily?" Katie said. She looked over at me, then to the blonde. She saw something pass between us. Katie leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. "It's just sex Ems, go for it."

I slowly, I have no idea how, mustered the courage to get up from the table. My legs wobbled. I prayed the honey blonde girl didn't see. I smoothed my short black dress that clung so perfectly to my toned body. The skirt was short and the detailing subtle, but I knew I looked hot. I raked my hand through my flame colored hair and exhaled deeply. I felt myself gliding to her, she was magnetic and I was the pin attracted to her pull. I arrived at the table stupidly, with nothing prepared to say. Fuck it all, why did I have to be so stupid? I kicked myself internally.

"Hello Luv," the vulgar boy said to me in a tone I didn't much like. "Would you like to sit down? Maybe taste the joy that is old, Cook."

I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"Cook!" the blonde defended me. "She's not interested, okay?"

"What's she on about then? Ohhhhh." The realization seemed to dawn on this Cook that I wasn't there for him.

"Naomikins," he uttered laughing. Naomi. I turned her name over in my mind like a smooth pebble pulled from a stream. It was lovely, it suited her. God, why did I care about her name? Just sex Fitch, get on with it.

"So," I began still grasping.

"So?" She responded clearly toying with me, noticing my nervousness. I almost turned around right then, ran away and never came back. She was feisty, I could tell. She almost seemed like she would be too much to handle. I gulped. She reached out for me.

"Wait," she began getting up from the table. "Can we go somewhere? Anywhere?"

I nodded. I didn't know where to take her, so we moved out to the alley way behind the club. It was deserted and fairly private.

"So," I began again.

She grabbed me and pulled me close to her. The feel of her body against mine made me tremble inside. I looked into her blue eyes and I was weightless. She kissed me, her tongue brushed across my lips. I allowed it entrance. She tasted like jasmine, I don't know why but it made me insatiable. I devoured her mouth, my tongue greedily wrestling with hers. She ran her hands over my body. My wetness threatened to undo me. I played freely with her breasts as I attacked her neck. I sucked hard and left a mark there. I was suffocating in her. I fondled and caressed everywhere my hands desired, which was a lot. I grabbed her ass and squeezed it. She moaned loudly and that spurred me on. I pushed her up against the wall roughly and reached up her dress, a short 1920's inspired number that clung to her shapely body. Her blonde hair was now stuck slightly to her face in places from sweat. I reached further. I sighed heavily with lust as I felt her wetness.

I removed her panties tossing them behind me. _"Oh, that was careless,"_ I thought. Then I banished further thoughts. I went on instinct. I was hungry for her. I wanted to devour her. I slowly slid down and looked up at her. She looked hungry for me and perhaps, a little scared. I tried to quell my own fears. I dove beneath her skirt and licked up the length of her slit. She cried out. My stomach clenched. I licked more furiously now. I sucked on her clit harder; I repeated my ministrations on her beautiful folds. She tasted salty and sweet, so much like honey I almost cried. She came so freely, I continued to suck as I ran two fingers inside her. She gripped my hair moaning, stuttering her lust into the night. I was gushing too. I stopped licking and moved up to kiss her, never removing my fingers from her. I pushed in and out of her. God, she was gorgeous. Her cheeks were flushed pale pink and her breasts were heaving. I kissed her as I inserted a third finger. She screamed with pleasure into my mouth.

As she ran her hand up my thigh, I became nervous again. She found my wetness there waiting for her. She groaned. She thrust her fingers into me, fucking me hard. Suddenly, my eyes connected with hers. There was tenderness there. She adored me in that moment and I wanted that moment to last forever. We drove each other into frenzied climaxes and moaned into the night. She swore softly as she came down and clung to me, her beautiful frame draped across mine. Her skin was as soft as I'd imagined it.

We stayed like that for a while, enraptured in our moment. Then came the part I dreaded. The part that always left me cold, we would have to part. I would return home, to cry, wake in the morning and repeat the whole cycle over again. I smoothed out my hair and re-adjusted my dress. I planted a longing filled kiss on the blonde's lips. As I pulled away, she touched them with her fingertips.

"Thank you, Naomi." I huskily breathed. I started to walk away from her.

"Wait," she said and to my surprise, grabbed my hand. I turned and looked at her, shocked. "Don't go, tell me your name."

"It's, It's," Damn it girl, speak. Fucks sake. "It's Emily." I finally managed to stutter.

"That's pretty." She said simply "You're pretty."

The words slapped me in the face. She had seemed so full of bravado in the club, so hard. Now she seemed so tender and what was it, kind. It had seemed silly to say on the surface, but my heart leapt within me.

"Wot?" I said still gathering my thoughts.

"You're pretty. Well, fuck me. You're down right sexy." She blurted.

I blushed furiously.

"I get the feeling; no one has ever said that to you before." She said seductively. "You're gorgeous Emily, you are too fucking beautiful and I can't stand it."

I brushed my hair from my face, still blushing. I just fucked her, but now I couldn't even look at her. I was shaking. She made me feel weak, like the pit of my stomach had dropped into an abyss. I was terrified of her in that moment. She crossed to me and pulled my chin up so our eyes met. A collision of chocolate brown and ice blue, I shivered.

"You are amazing," she started. She was gasping for air. She seemed out of control. She pushed her lips against mine. She tasted me again, differently this time. She was slow and methodical and it made my head swim. Jasmine, honey and salt, I couldn't think. I was trembling from her touch. She wrapped her arms around me and held me. She fucking held me. I almost cried. As our kiss ended, I whimpered instantly ashamed of myself for doing so.

"Can we go somewhere?" she asked me for the second time that night. I raced as I took her back to my flat. The flat I shared with my sister. A very pissed off sister I'm sure, since I had left her and Effy at the club by themselves without so much as a "Goodbye, I'm going home to nail a hot blonde."

We fumbled up the stairs to my bedroom disrobing each other as we went. We slammed our bodies together for rough, passionate kisses. I was still wet from earlier. I was eagerly adding to that wetness, kissing and groping her. I wanted to pull her into me, I didn't quite understand why. Finally she pushed back from me. I eyed her confused and a little hurt. What was it? What now? She eyed me up and down in the moonlight that streamed in through my bedroom windows. She licked her lips like a hungry wolf. Her eyes drank me in and she was intoxicated. She moved to me slowly and pushed her hand through my hair. I made a move to push our lips and our bodies together and she stopped me. I didn't know what was happening. I must've shown my hurt, because she planted a tender kiss upon my lips. My heart made furious music within me. She moved me right down to my soul. She was amazing.

She kissed each of my cheeks, my lips, my neck, my collarbone, my breasts. She flicked her tongue across my nipples. I groaned with pleasure. She sucked on one, teasing it in her mouth. While she massaged the other with her fingertips, I clutched at her. She continued kissing down my body. I groaned as she hovered above my sex. She kissed me just above it and murmured softly, "God, Ems you're beautiful." She then returned the favor from earlier and sucked my clit. She hungrily drank me in. I bucked my hips into her. She groaned into me. She inserted her fingers into me and pumped them in and out furiously. She rhythmically drew me into her. I felt nothing but our rhythm. I felt nothing at all besides her love, besides her touch. I fell off the precipice I had been clinging to and shuddered and screamed her name through my climax. She looked at me and smiled.

To say we devoured each other that night; might be an understatement. We couldn't get enough of one another. Our hearts beating in a syncopated rhythm, limbs moving frantically in our desire, our souls were on fire. I was powerless at the altar of our love. I felt nothing at all but the passion that consumed me, body and soul. Her eyes held me fast and I hoped that she felt the same as I did. I was consumed by her.

I awoke in the morning slowly as the first shafts of light pushed forcefully through my window pane. I rolled over in my bed. I had embraced the beautiful blonde all night, her long legs entwined with mine, her head, resting on top of my red tresses. I had never slept so soundly. I opened my eyes and looked to her side and found an empty pillow where she had laid. I sat straight up in bed.

"God damn it!" I shouted near tears. I couldn't fucking believe it had happened again. I knew it was inevitable, but she had been different. So fucking tender, so beautiful, and so real. She was so magnetic, I would follow her anywhere. Shout the gospel of her across the land. She was a female young messiah and I was her willing disciple. I would tell everyone of the beautiful blue eyed blonde who had loved me and who had gone, but I knew would someday return. I was running low on faith, however.

I swore to myself and got up to get dressed. Picking up my shoes and throwing them into my closet furiously. A few tears slid down my cheeks. I sucked them up. Trying so hard to close my heart off forever, but I knew if she returned to me, I would welcome her into my loving embrace, into my bed, into my heart. I sighed and bowed my head. Emily Fucking Fitch, you're pathetic.

I readied myself for another day at my dad's gym, Fitch Fitness. I worked reception there with Katie and although the job was easy enough I hated it. Greased up, muscle bound guys with ego's the size of the Royal family constantly hitting on me, trying to get me into bed. Katie loved the attention. She lapped it up like a Labrador Retriever to a bowl of crystal clear water. I was disgusted by her on many occasions, some humorous, some not. I drug myself to work with all the enthusiasm of a man on death row to his execution. My heart had cracks through out its fragile structure. Years of want, years of disappointment, had created fissures in it that ached painfully almost every minute of every day. What do you do, if someone lets you down? Really fucks you over? I didn't know. I never knew. I walked into work and sat down at my desk.

I was distracted by my thoughts of the blonde all day long. I thought of her kisses, her sweet words tickling my ear. _"Emily, God, you're so gorgeous. I just. I. Oh god, you're beautiful."_ No one had ever spoken to me like that, said those types of things to me. When she looked at me I felt beautiful. When she touched me, I felt whole. My heart ached inside my chest and I clutched at it. Punching my chest where it lay beneath my breast, lightly. "Fuck off, you." I muttered.

Katie eyed me with sadness. Finally, she spoke.

"What happened last night, Ems?"

"What do you think happened?" I grumbled.

"Did you fuck her, that blonde girl?" She uttered plainly.

I rolled my eyes at her impatiently. "No, we fucking played chess and watched a video! Then we knit Goddamn matching scarves! Yes, we fucked! She was a bloody amazing fuck, too!" I shouted gesturing wildly in the air.

Katie's eyes widened as she took my hand. A customer named Paul had just walked in, perfectly on cue to hear my exchange with Katie. His mouth was open slightly, he just bellowed with laughter. He walked back to the work out equipment saying nothing. I buried my head in my hands and heaved a heavy sigh, slumping down in my chair. Katie moved to put her arms around me, I knew she was trying to be sweet, but her touch irritated me more.

"Shhh," she started. "It was just sex, Ems. Learn to let go. Every girl you meet isn't going to become the love of your life."

"That's where you're wrong, Katie," I said lifting my head up out of my hands. "This girl, she was special." Tears started in my eyes. Katie looked at me seriously. "She said things to me, I believed them."

"That's pillow talk, Ems." Katie retorted. "Don't be so Goddamn naïve."

"No," I started then closed my eyes. That wasn't what it was. I remembered her breath upon my neck. Naomi's kiss upon my lips as she breathed onto mine, _"I never want to stop fucking you."_ She had said. Who says that? Who says that to a girl? I was angry now at beautiful Naomi. I wanted to yell in her face. I wanted to see tears fall from her eyes. I got up without saying a word to Katie. Then I yelled back at her, "Tell dad I'm going out."

I marched to the club we went to that night, ignoring wolf-whistles and comments along the way. I had left my work uniform on. A "Fitch Fitness" tight button down shirt and a pair of hip hugging slacks that showed part of my mid-riff, I wore black heels. I pushed open the door with all my might and marched up to the bartender who was cleaning glasses in anticipation of the evening rush. He was gangly and pock-marked with curly blonde hair. He seemed nervous as I walked up to the bar. "Hey you," I said. "Do you remember me leaving with that blonde last night?"

"Hey, hey you is not very nice." He stuttered. "Name is J.J. What's yours?"

"I don't have time for fucking pleasantries, J.J." I retorted.

"If you don't tell me your name," he began. "I don't know if I quite remember anything from last night."

"Fine," I spat. "Emily, just Emily."

"Well, just Emily. Yes, I saw you leave with Naomi last night." He smiled fiendishly.

"Do you know her?" I sputter. Now afraid I might lose my rage. The very thought of seeing her again filled my body with warmth. Damn it, girl. Don't lose your nerve.

"I do." J.J. uttered simply. "I've known her since College and well into University."

"She goes to your Uni?" I said gob smacked.

"Studies politics and music," He breathed. "She's sharp as a tack, Naomi is. She can talk about all sorts of things, politics, music at length, the environment, women." He smiled warmly thinking of her.

She was beautiful, kind, and intelligent. A blonde, blue eyed sex-machine that made me shiver and shake. She made me struggle for breath. She was perfection. I shook my head to wake myself from my reverie.

"Where can I find her?" I asked panicky

"Why?" J.J. questioned eyeing me suspiciously. "She would've given you her number if she wanted to talk to you again."

My blood boiled. I grabbed J.J. across the bar and pulled him to my face, clutching at his collar.

"Fuck sake! If you don't tell me where to fucking find her I'm going to jam this whiskey shooter up your ass!" I shout with so much conviction J.J. begins to sputter.

"Sh…sh…sh…she works..aaattt…the LLLLowe Political Trust, ddddowntown on Brookside."

I released him and he fell to the ground.

I ran down the street like I was running from wolves. Nipping at my heels, threatening to devour me, the thought of seeing her again made me hungry for her. _"I never want to stop fucking you." _She had said. I made my way to Lowe Political Trust and rode the elevator to her floor. The floor where she waited with lies and pretty words, tender embraces and mind blowing fucks. For fuck sake Emily, I shook my head disappointed in my thoughts. The elevator dinged one floor above the floor I knew Lowe Political Trust was on. I grumbled impatiently. The doors opened and there she was.

She looked at me surprised. Her beautiful blue eyes shining at me, her blonde hair curled loosely draped along her shoulders, her lips drawn into a smile. She pushed me into the elevator against the wall and shut the doors. She hit the "stop" button. I gasped as she kissed me roughly on the mouth. Her tongue battled with mine and she took my hands and rubbed them against her breasts. I groaned. I wanted her, badly. I unbuttoned her blouse and unhooked her bra. I rubbed her hard nipples between my fingertips. I sucked on them, teased them. I told her how beautiful she was, not out of spite, but because I felt it. I felt it so much, it was killing me. I reached up her skirt and felt her wetness through the thin fabric. She breathed heavily. Her eyes heavy lidded as she said to me, "God, fuck me Emily." I did as she commanded. I pushed my fingers into her feeling her walls tighten around them. I moaned loudly as I pumped into her. She was warm, soft, and so wet. I never wanted to stop fucking her either. I thrust into her with passion, kissing her, caressing her. I wanted her to feel uncomfortable with my intent. I was making her feel the emotions raging with in me. My heart threatened to shatter in my chest. She was looking at me, her blue eyes questioning me. I continued my rhythm, the rhythm of my heart to hers. Tears welled in her eyes. I kissed them as they spilled onto her pale cheeks. I was falling in fucking love with this girl.

I made love to her with infinite passion. If you do not know what that is like, I am sorry. All I know is that, she made me feel it. She made me feel like I was dying and being reborn all at once. I had wings and I could soar. She swore and said my name during her climax. Clinging to me and then she softly murmured almost beyond my hearing, something that sounded like, _"I think, I'm falling in love with you."_

"What did you say?" I said pulling slightly away from her in shock.

"Nothing, errrm. Nothing," She said nervously.

"Are you sure about that?" I said quirking my eyebrow at her. She chewed her lip nervously and blew out.

"I missed you." She blurted.

"That is not what you said." I retorted somewhat irked.

"What does it matter, anyway?" She breathed frustrated at me.

"It matters more than you fucking know!" I spat. I was angry again.

She looked at me shocked. I was trembling. I was shaking and almost crying. I wanted this girl, so badly. In so many ways, that confused even me. I didn't know her, but I wanted to. Everything, just everything, did she like milk in her tea? Was she keen on sport? Did she like swimming, because I'd love to take her to the lake? What did she wear to bed? Does she like children? My head was racing.

"Well?" I said balling up my fists. "Nothing else to say to the girl you never wanted to stop fucking?" Tears spilled from my eyes.

"Ems, Oh, Emily. I." She reached for me and her arm fell short. She was thinking I could tell. I could see things racing behind her eyes. Storms and hurricanes, she looked away from me. She looked back and breathed deeply. Her eyes were tender and her expression soft.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you." She began.

"Oh fucks sake." I said. "Really? That's what you could manage for 'your' beautiful fucking Emily? Jesus." I was still crying.

"You are, you know." She said simply.

"Wot?" I blurted between sobs.

"Mine." She said brushing a strand of my hair from my face and cupping my chin in her palm.

I was. I knew it. I hated myself for it. The second she kissed me, I had fallen from the edge of a deadly precipice. I was dying to be in love with her. I knew the ground would feel so awfully hard. I gulped between sobs.

"Shhhh." She said pulling me into her chest. "You are 'my' beautiful Emily." She stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. I leaned into her.

"Then say it," I murmured.

She stiffened. Her whole body tensed. She fell silent again. I pulled away.

"You're so fucking gorgeous!" I yelled. "So beautiful. What a bunch of shit! Do you say that to all the girls, Naomi?"

"What other girls?" She responded.

My mouth hung open as her words struck me like a freight truck. What other girls? Was I the only one? Surely not, some other girl had seen her before me. Some other girl had tasted her sweet kisses, touched her lovely breasts, felt her gorgeous sex, and felt her smooth, pale arms embrace them. I stared at her.

"What other girls?" She repeated.

"Wot?" I said again, looking very much confused.

"There have been no 'other girls'," She punctuated those two words with her fingers.

I stared at her. She sighed frustrated and pushed her blonde hair out of her face with one hand.

"Fucks sake Emily, I've never fucked a girl before you. It's just you." Her eyes bore into me.

I still was having trouble grasping her words. Was she telling me she was straight, fucking hell.

"You're straight?" I spat.

"No, you're not listening," She sighed. "Is this really all about you? Just all about how you are feeling in this, really Emily?"

I looked at her dumb founded. She made me feel childish and selfish. I was embarrassed at myself and my behavior. I looked down at my shoes, the leather had a dull sheen and the heels were becoming uncomfortable, just as I was in this moment.

"I had never been with a girl before last night," She said to me. This part felt familiar and sickening. She continued. "I know that I want you. I want you right now. God, I am kicking myself so hard for giving into you last night. I didn't want this kind of trouble. This shaking, my heart slamming against my fucking rib cage, I didn't want to need you the way I do."

She looked away from me. "Cook and Freddie knew I'd never been with a woman. They saw us last night, our glances, and encouraged me."

"Are you sorry you did it?" I ask plainly.

"No, God No," She looked at me again, her eyes threatening to undo me. "It was the best thing that ever happened to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

I stood there feeling shocked, numb. I could've thrown up, that would've been sexy.

"Emily, I don't want to talk about this in an elevator." She said simply.

"But it was good enough for fucking me?" I question a little angry again.

The blonde sighed again, her eyes watery. "I needed you. When I saw you standing there, I didn't just want to fuck you."

"Can we go somewhere?" I am the one asking this time.

She nods at me. She makes the arrangements and leaves work with me in tow. We drive to the place I wanted to take her most, for the conversation I didn't want to have.

At the lake we are pretty secluded from other people. I like it that way. People are intrusive, cruel, and often boorish. Often times the taste of society left a sick taste in my mouth. We were destroying our planet and the fragile life upon it, we didn't deserve this place. I often felt like I was dinning on ashes. I had grown skeptical after years of disappointment and want. I had become hard and yet was so soft inside. I never felt strong enough to deal with life or the relentless onslaught of pain and misery it conspired to hurl upon me. Naomi seemed strong in all the ways I wasn't.

Naomi looked out over the lake, but then looked me in the eyes when she said, "It's beautiful."

I couldn't tell if she meant me or the lake. I shifted nervously. I hugged the blanket I held just a little tighter in that moment, I was definitely nervous. I had pulled the blanket from my car, I always kept one there. Katie and I went to the lake often, to read, to talk, or just to think. I unfurled its massive plaid pattern, sat and beckoned Naomi to join me on it. I could tell from her eyes, darting about not quite focusing on mine, that she was nervous as well.

"Emily," She began.

"Yes, Naomi." I said patiently, the anger from before drained from me.

She reached out and grabbed my hand before she began. "I've known for a long time that I've liked girls. I spent a lot of time being afraid of them, running from them, afraid of the power they had over me. I lost my virginity to a guy in college that I didn't love, who didn't love me. I slept with lots of guys after that, I didn't care. I thought it would 'fix' me. It didn't."

"Cook?" I asked. I don't know why I thought it would be him.

"No," She said. "We're just friends. It doesn't stop him from trying, but I'm not interested in the slightest." I sighed somewhat relieved.

"Emily, last night was special to me, but when I awoke that morning and saw you there. My heart had swelled within me, I was happy. But then I became frightened. You seemed to have the most power over me of all. I ran away from you. I didn't really want to. It killed me. I thought of your face realizing I was gone and I had to banish those thoughts because they were killing me."

It started to softly rain. The tree we were under sheltered us well from the soft droplets hitting our skin. It lightly dampened our hair and clothes. She had never looked more gorgeous.

"Today," She continued. "I admitted something to myself." She looked down at the blanket and seemed to be studying its patterns and colors. She looked back up at me. "I want to stop running."

I looked at her. I didn't say anything. I was somewhat frozen by her confession. She liked girls. I certainly liked girls. We wanted each other. What was the problem? Why wasn't I kissing her right now?

I leapt forward desperately on fire for her. She let me. We kissed furiously and tenderly at once. She rolled over on top of me, unbuttoning my blouse again, kissing me on the collarbone, neck and lips. She ran her smooth palm over my stomach. She undid my bra, sliding it slowly down my body and fondled my breasts. I moaned as tiny droplets of rain began to pour over me. It was raining a little harder now, the drops were cool and soft but I was burning alive. We were both wet, in more ways then one. She captured my mouth and began unfastening my pants. I lifted my hips as she pulled them off of me. She also pulled off my underwear with little hesitation. I laid there almost naked before her. She smiled at me. She eyed me for a while and my chest heaved from her ministrations. I'm sure that a blush was forming across my cheeks and chest from arousal. She could see it. She leaned forward and captured my mouth fiercely. Then pulled away and whispered but this time I did hear it. "I think I'm falling in love with you, Emily."

I almost cried. She kissed me furiously for it. Making my lips ache. I didn't want her to ever stop. She removed her blouse and bra. Soon she was naked on top of me. I groaned as she pushed her knee into my wetness. My hands rubbed all over her. She looked magnificent. Covered in tiny droplets of rain, light glinting off them like tiny diamonds upon her skin, I was amazed by her, the miracle of her. It was like seeing God in his purest form when she touched me. She kissed me tenderly all over my body. She drew me out to her, little broken hearted Emily Fitch who cradled her cracked glass heart like a child in her arms. I held it out to her to fix and in the molten fires of her love, I felt it being transformed. I felt myself being transformed.

We made love by the lake for hours. The rain soaked us through, we didn't much care. We talked for hours, properly introducing ourselves while laughing generally getting to know each other and then we built a small fire and slept by it all night.

When I woke in the morning I shot up fast, finding myself tangled in the flannel blanket covering my naked body. I panicked. My eyes searched for Naomi, not again. Not fucking again. I jumped up wrapped in only the blanket and walked around looking for her. Not how I wanted to wake up. I wandered through the forested landscape, lush and green and wondered what about me was so frightening to girls? Was it that light in my soul that told them I would be the one who would hold them when they cried, the one who would make them laugh, the one who would be devoted and cavalier if they would only let me in? I would. I brushed limbs from my face and walked tentatively. I felt frightened by my honor. Women didn't seem to want that. They wanted someone who'd treat them like shit, frankly. They wanted someone who'd lie and cheat and ignore them. Didn't they? Then why did they pick people who would only hurt them? Why wasn't my light, my honor, good enough?

I found Naomi sitting by a tree, looking out over the lake, smoking a cigarette. She hadn't left. Her clothes were roughly draped on her, her hair disheveled from our previous night's love making. Her hair was curly from last night's rain and her expression solemn as she pulled a drag from her cigarette. She didn't see me. I ran to her in my blanket and hugged her tightly.

"Ems," She questioned "You okay?"

"You stayed, that was so brave of you." I said softly, fighting back my tears but my voice was breaking.

"There is no where on Earth, I'd rather be." She soothed. I straddled her body and opened the blanket and wrapped it around both of us. I pressed my naked body to her and pulled her into a kiss. Just then, a fishing boat with two men came by us. We hadn't noticed them.

"Wooooo! Yes, girls! That's right, give it to her good!" One of the men yelled.

"Fuck off, you wankers!" Naomi yelled. We both laughed and I blushed furiously and buried my head on Naomi's shoulder.

They shrugged and rowed off. We laughed holding each other for awhile, I relished in the contact. Her soft chuckling as she held my warm body close to her own. I rested my head on her shoulder, brushing her hair off of it and kissed her neck lightly.

"What do we do now?" I asked her.

"Well, I suppose we should go." She said matter of factly.

"No," I began. "I mean where do we go from here?"

"Oh, right." She said. "Well you know where to find me. Come see me if you need to."

I pulled up and looked at her surprised. Really? The look on my face was one of complete and utter destruction. I was defeated by this. _"You better be fucking joking girl, "_my brain screamed. My heart whimpered and whined in my chest and it beat rapidly but I could hear it creaking. She burst into laughter.

"You are so adorable!" She laughed hugging me tighter. "You didn't think I was serious? Did you?"

I moved to look at her again but dropped my eyes. "Well, it's happened before so…I just thought I was unlovable or something." I muttered.

I could see in her eyes that her heart was breaking.

"Oh, no, god no Emily." She said kissing me softly but passionately. "I do want you. I really do. You are so loveable I can't stand it, I'm telling you girl, my heart is going to explode." She tapped the space where her heart lay.

"Well," I said looking down again. "It better not, I rather like you as you are." A tiny grin drew the corners of my mouth upwards.

She kissed me there for awhile and I could feel all of my anguish drain away from me. I could feel the hope swelling within my chest the energy coursing through me.

"Come with me to my flat," I said to her when I felt myself ready to speak.

"Why, Emily Fitch. You're insatiable." She uttered.

I giggled. "No, I want you to meet my sister Katie, my twin."

"Twins, eh?" Naomi suggestively wiggled her eyebrow.

"Oy! Pervy wanker!" I playfully slapped Naomi's arm. "That's my sister you're talking about."

Naomi wrestled me to the ground and we rolled around a little. We were kissing lightly whenever the urge struck us, Naomi consented to meet my sister but only after we stopped by her place for a shower so she could change. I agreed. I dressed and we left for Naomi's flat. It suddenly occurred to me I had never seen where she lived.

She drove up to a charming flat that had a orange brick face, white trim and a dark blue door. It looked small, but cozy. I walked up with her, still in my Fitch Fitness uniform. I chuckled to myself. I would've never imagined yesterday morning that I would be here with her this afternoon. I stepped onto my tiptoes and kissed her honey blonde hair. "What was that for?" she asked grinning.

"Just because," I said simply beaming at her.

I embraced the moment. I realized that I was accepting love, the chance I was taking and the risk. If you accept the beauty, pureness and elation of love, you too have to accept the filth, nausea, and misery of it. You can't just have it one way. Everything was within me now, joy and misery, love and darkness, shining gold and chalky mud. I was saying yes to everything. I was saying yes to her. I am feeling it all. I'm afraid. I can't lie, but I'm hopeful. That little spark has always dwelled within me, shining in the dark like a distant star. Hope. My gift and my curse, inextinguishable hope guiding me through the night into her arms. I am snapped from my reverie as she unlocks the door and I step slowly inside.

I smile at her apartment. Second hand furnishings that are warm and inviting, an old wood book case jammed with books. Philosophy, Literature, Politics, the case is crammed with them spines worn from use. I suddenly feel intellectually intimidated by her. I'm not currently in University, having taken a gap year to sort myself out. I made a mental note to begin brushing up. There were photos around the place of her with those boys from the first night, laughing, embracing, being rather silly. I smiled outwardly. There was a photo of her with an older woman, her arm around her and Naomi was smiling. The woman so looked like her, kind eyes, soft features and I knew it must be her mother.

"Your mum?" I say pointing at the photo.

"Yes, my mum." She said grinning at me. "I'm gonna go and hop in the shower, then throw something on, yeah?"

I jump up. "Can I come with you?"

She laughs at me. "It might take a little longer but damn it, how can I say no to that?" I run to hug her before we go upstairs.

We shower together, making love as quickly as we can. It is no less spectacular for it. It is also much more enjoyable with her, rather than just myself. I banish the loneliness to the corners of my mind. I don't want to need her this badly, because if she breaks my heart I know, I just know, it will hurt all the more. That ache forms in my chest again. I thump my chest to dismiss it. We hurriedly get ready to go to my place, so that she can meet Katie. I unlock the door and bolt in.

"Katie," I yell. "It's me it's Emsy."

I bound up the stairs with Naomi in tow and run to Katie's room. I for go knocking because I'm so damn excited and thrust the door open. I am beyond shocked at what I see.

Katie is straddling someone in bed covers loosely hanging off her only covering the lower half of her buttocks. She is grinding on someone, someone small, someone with willowy arms and wavy brown hair. Music is softly playing in the background, "Sweet Jane" by the Velvet Underground. _"Nice choice, Katie."_ I mutter to myself, snapping myself back to reality. _"Holy effing shite, it's Effy."_

I cover Naomi's eyes and she laughs audibly.

"What the fuck?" Katie whips around to see me staring open mouthed at her and Effy's display.

I am beyond shocked. I'm confused, bewildered and angry, in all my years of struggling with my identity Katie never once mentioned liking girls too. I felt so alone then, she could have given me something to hold onto. I depended on her to be a life preserver in a sea of bullshit. I felt betrayed, oddly enough and frightened of the secrets we would never share. We weren't that close really, but it hurt me, all the same.

"Emily! What in the fuck are you doing here?" She yelps in her delicate lisp covering herself as best she can. Effy simply sits up in bed and lights a cigarette, she makes no effort to cover her body. I throw something at her.

"Cover yourself up, yeah?" I still have my hand over Naomi's eyes. Naomi laughs again softly.

"Hello, everyone," Naomi jokes from behind my hand, raising hers and giving a little wave to the two girls before us.

Effy puts on a robe and gets out of bed. "I'm going downstairs until this is sorted. Hello you," She pokes Naomi in her stomach playfully before exiting and Naomi just laughs.

"Katie," I say uncovering Naomi's eyes finally. "What the fuck was that?"

"Jesus, you're uptight." Katie says finally. "What do you think it was?"

"Well it looked like you, riding Effy like the Kentucky Derby." I say with my voice raised.

Naomi bursts into giggles.

"This is your friend, the blonde girl, the amazing fuck?" Katie questions.

Naomi quirks her eyebrow at me, looking satisfied. "Amazing, eh?"

"Don't change the topic, Katie." I muster blushing slightly.

"Wot? What do you want me to say? I felt like fucking Effy, she feels good. I like her okay?" Katie exclaims throwing her hands up in the air.

Naomi shifts uncomfortably.

"Throw something on Katie, we need to talk?" I say.

"Should I go?" Naomi utters finally.

"No, just please stay." I beg. "I'm sorry, babes. Katie, this is Naomi."

"Naomi can't say it's nice to meet like this, but hello." Katie musters a weak wave.

We all go downstairs. Effy sits in a wooden chair in the dining room. She's smoking and eyeing us with fierceness. I almost can't meet her eyes. I've known her since college and she never ceases to surprise me. I've seen Effy kiss men and all questionable sorts of people, but I've never seen her snogging my sister's face off and shagging her brains out until now. I close my eyes and pinch my nose. I'm going to need to pour bleach in my ears to get those images out of my mind. I turn to Katie and speak.

"So are you gay or wot?" I ask pleadingly to Katie.

"Fuck off, Emily." Effy says flatly.

"Katie?" I say again.

"Jeezus, Emily you can't just ask that!" Katie yells at me.

"The bloody hell I can't." I say again. We yell at each other. I scream my frustration at her, I needed honesty and trust but I felt like Katie only gave me deception. Our argument is intense, fiery, and passionate, as I am about everything, just everything in my life. Passion, I can't live without it but I can barely live with it as well. It consumes me, from the inside out. I passionately love something or I passionately hate it. I never feel the in between emotions in life. They are grey snapshots in my Technicolor world. They get driven out by passion. It has been the ruin of lesser women than me, passion. It has destroyed cities, people, and civilizations, made them break down and burst into flames. I had never really noticed its power over me until now, until Naomi Campbell had entered my life. Passion rules me completely. I then notice Naomi has slipped away and everything else fades away for me. "Fucking Christ, this isn't over Katie!" I yell as I run out the front door.

"Naomi," I yell into the street, into the night. My heart is pounding like a drum. I've gone and ruined it. I've given her too much to think about too soon and she's run away. I yell again this time my voice cut with anguish. "Naomi!" I go hoarse quickly. I start to cry. I am howling like a wolf into the night, I think I almost hear the wolves howl back.

"Emily?" I hear from behind me and I whip around.

Naomi is standing there looking at me quizzically. I run up and hug her tightly. I was so terrified I had lost her somewhere in the night. It's stupid and childish but my fragile heart had almost burst. I sniffle a little and Naomi speaks.

"Did Katie upset you that badly?"

"Where'd you go?" I ask childishly.

"Things were getting intense so I walked to that market there," she points to a dingy small corner shop two buildings down. "And I bought some more smokes." She shakes the pack in front of me wiggling it a little. "I plan on quitting soon, so don't give me any shit, okay?" She says playfully.

"I thought, I thought you had left." I blubber through my tears.

"What?" She replies. "Oh, Ems no, just no. I wouldn't do that. I've grown too old for running. I'm tired of it, tired of being afraid. Think better of me okay? You are worth fighting for, believe me. In fact, if you want, I'll go back in there and punch Effy in her taint for shagging your sister."

I giggle furiously into her chest. "Don't you go anywhere near her taint." I reply jokingly back.

Naomi kisses the top of my head with her sweet lips and laughs.

We reluctantly go back into the house, there was a lot to be sorted, I mused. Katie definitely needed to explain some things to me at length or I would go insane. Was she gay? Had she always known? Is she bisexual? What the hell. I took a deep breath as I walked into the living room. On the couch Katie and Effy were kissing unabashedly, Effy was lying down and Katie was the aggressor, her hands clutching furiously at Effy. I could see them for the first time. I could see Katie, the sparks she was throwing off into the room, threatening to burn down the entire flat. I could see Effy, her calm exterior hiding her passion. She was burning alive. They both had dated men in the past, I thought. Then I laughed at myself as my hypocrisy occurred to me. I was judging them for who they were. It never occurred to me, that they might care about maybe even love, each other. Why did I have to label it?

My laughter startled them again, Effy and Katie froze. Naomi eyed me oddly. I suddenly couldn't stop laughing.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Katie," I began now only slightly smiling. Katie's mouth dropped open. Effy smirked; it is as if she knew she was right about something all along. "Effy, you can smile at me like that all you want. I deserve it and I'm sorry." I was a bit ashamed of myself, but I thought that with everything we had been through together, it wasn't so bad if my sister and Effy were together.

We made plans to go out together that night as a foursome. It seemed weird to me, Katie and Effy, Naomi and I. It seemed marvelously perfect and that was what worried me. That worry clung to the corners of my mind, like so many cobwebs, obscuring normal thought and reason. I tried to shrug it off, but it stayed with me. So cynical at 25, I laughed to myself. I quickly changed for our evening out on the town. I smoothed out my flame red hair and styled it, applied smoky makeup and put on a short tight black dress that I loved to wear. It seemed to drive the girls crazy, but I was only interested in one girl tonight, my beautiful blonde that I was falling for, wildly and passionately. _"God, help her." _I chuckled to myself.

The evening fell fast and we made a night of it, on the town. Just us four girls devouring the city like wolves, reckless, wild and free. I felt alive. My skin was buzzing and my eyes were hungry. I had on my arm, one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She eyed me with the same affection and desire; it made me feel fucking invincible. It made me feel limitless. It made me feel infinite. We went from club to club, dancing and laughing like mad children. Katie and Effy felt dangerous and incendiary, but I was powerless to stop it. They just burned and burned and I could see it threatening to consume them both. That was Katie's journey though, not mine. I couldn't stop her from wanting or loving Effy, I couldn't protect her anymore either. She smiled sympathetically to me, she knew it too.

We were sisters and I would die for her, despite her flaws, despite everything, she was my blood. We shared something no one could touch. I'm not saying we got on well all the time. In fact, we were polar opposites. She was reckless and wild, much more wolf than I. I was new to the pack, gentler more reasoning, but darkness filled my thoughts most days and I was capricious like the moon. The same blood coursed through our veins, pulsing with our heart beats. I hated that we looked so similar, when our hearts were so different. We made a final stop that night to the club where I first saw Naomi. I was so proud to have her on my arm. I really did feel infinite.

We walked inside the dingy club and I bursted with confidence with Naomi on my arm. I was invincible. The four of us made our way to the bar. The nervous boy with curly hair was there, J.J. I thought to myself. "Hey barkeep," Naomi uttered. "Get these lovely ladies a drink or two on me."

J.J. spun around grinning then his face fell when he eyed me. "Hello, Naomi." He smiled weakly. "Can do."

"What's up with him," Naomi questioned to no one. "J.J. what's the what old chum?" She asked jokingly.

"You're here, with whiskey shooter girl." J.J. uttered cryptically. Everyone but me looked confused. I felt ashamed of myself a little and giggled.

"J.J., I'm sorry," I laughed. "I wouldn't have done that really." J.J. smiled.

Naomi eyed me curiously. J.J. brought over four pints for us and we hungrily gulped them down. The alcohol buzzed in my veins and I surged with confidence. "Naomi, may I have this dance?" I said pulling her to the dance floor. Naomi wore a beautiful black lace dress that hung off of her tall shapely frame. Her blonde hair hung to her shoulders and was slightly wavy. I became more intoxicated by looking at her. I pushed myself against her. I was wearing a thin tight one piece dress and no underwear. I wanted Naomi, every night perhaps, forever. God, I was really going to wear this one out. I laughed internally.

We grinded together as the music pulsed and every pulse of the music synched up with the rhythm of my lust filled heart. I moved down Naomi's body and pushed my back side out as I popped back up. I was being as seductive as I could muster. Nothing filled my head but her. I closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt someone come up behind me and put their arms around me. They whispered something filthy and hard into my ear, "Hey love, how about you give me some of that ass?" Not Naomi. I turned around swinging my fist out towards them. I felt it connect.

The filthy boy I had come to know as Cook lay on the dance floor laughing. Then everything stopped. I was angry at him. Why did he have to ruin everything? "You fucking wanker!" I yelled. "Don't ever touch me like that!"

"Emily!" Naomi shouted. She rushed over to Cook to help him up. "Cook is my best friend."

I swallowed hard. I didn't like him, at all. I knew that this was going to be a problem. But his voice was like an air hammer in my ears, his words were like chalk and ash and his touch felt like sandpaper.

"S'okay, Naomikins. Little Emsy doesn't like old Cook very much, does she?" Cook laughed.

It was a joke to him, it really was. She was everything to me, I felt my heart constricting painfully. I had never felt for anyone what I felt for her and it was funny to him. Why does everyone get to piss on Emily? I clenched my fists.

"Naomi," I uttered hard yet questioning. She looked up at me, her blue eyes catching the streaming club lights and amplifying their glow. "Take my side, please?" I said.

She looked at me for a long time. Her expression was inscrutable. Katie ran up to my side with Effy. "Fucking hell, girl," she breathed. "What did you do?"

"Hey Effy," Cook yelled. "Long time no see babes, up for another willy waggle with old Cook sometime?"

Katie looked numb. Effy's expression was unreadable. Katie's expression became hard and I could feel her heart constricting too.

"Fuck off prick!" She shouted at Cook.

"Whoa!" Cook exclaimed. "What do you care if I shag your friend? She's loved it before."

Katie's eyes brimmed with tears. Mine did as well. I looked pleadingly at Naomi. I looked pleadingly at Effy. No words were exchanged.

"When, when did she ever love that?" Katie yelled at him.

"Just last week." Cook smiled.

That is when the light went right out of Katie's eyes. I felt her heart breaking. "Fuck off!" She yelled pouncing on Cook and punching him with fury in her heart. "Just fucking. Fuck. Right. Off!" She punched him with all her might, her ringed fingers glinting in the swirling club lights. She drew blood. I heard Cook laughing as Naomi struggled to pull her off of him. I stood frozen to my spot. I looked at Effy with hatred in my eyes. "Bitch." I mustered. Oddly enough, Effy calmly turned and walked away, out the door of the club to be absorbed into the darkness of the night.

I turned to face the scene before me. Naomi pulled Katie off of Cook and thrust her into my arms. "Take Katie and Go!" she yelled at me.

"Wot?" I blurted again. "But, I just. Naomi. Don't."

"Emily." She said to me her eyes hard. "Go."

I began to cry. My heart was bursting. I could feel it. I didn't just cry, I "ugly cried." I wailed with abandon, inconsolable and filled with hurt. Katie clung to me, crying just as hard, flecks of blood clinging to her face and spots of blood clinging to her dress and hands. Cooks face was a bloodied mess, cuts and bruises already forming and I think Katie might have knocked out one of his teeth. I was saddened but impressed by her rage. I took one last pleading look at Naomi, the tears streaming down my face. It said to her, _"Don't make me go. Don't leave me like this, I love you. I am yours, you know? I will be brave for you and cavalier if you'll just love me back."_ It was filled with everything I couldn't say aloud. I think she saw it in my eyes. I think I could feel her heart constrict too.

I wandered with Katie out into the night. We were limping home. Wild dogs had rend us asunder. Pulled out our still beating hearts and feasted on their life's essence. We were trembling. We walked forever until we reached our flat. I heaved heavy sighs as we made our way upstairs to Katie's room. I let go of her over the bed and she lay down automatically. I lay down next to her. We embraced each other and cried. We cried for our hearts, cried for our loves, cried for the death of our dreams and for ourselves. Katie finally pulled away and looked at me. "Thank you," she breathed. "Just, thanks for everything Ems." She said hugging me. I cried again. "Yes." I breathed. What else are sisters for? We cried ourselves to sleep.

I awoke in the morning still in my clothes from last night. I made my way downstairs and turned on the radio. _"Pale Blue Eyes"_ by the Velvet Underground was playing. No comfort there_. "I thought of you as my mountain top, thought of you as my peak. Thought of you as everything, I had but couldn't keep. Linger on, with your pale blue eyes. Linger on. Pale blue eyes." _I pinched my nose and closed my eyes. Naomi. Her name whispered in my mind. Naomi and her beautiful face, her beautiful blue eyes. I stopped myself. "Fuck off." I muttered pounding my heart beneath my breast. Had I lost her? I wanted to go to her place. I wanted to see her. I grabbed the keys to the car. I took a look at myself in the mirror, mascara streaming from my eyes, disheveled dress and hair. I didn't care much. Fuck it all, I wanted her to know she wrecked me. She wrecked me hard. From the moment we met I've been all about her. I wanted her to feel it.

I drove to her place fast, my heart pounding beneath my breast. Naomi. _"I think I'm falling in love with you, Emily."_ I prayed to whatever gods may be that it was true. I ran up the stairs to her flat and knocked on the door. Cook answered. His face was hard. "What do you want, bitch?" I flinched. He was bruised and cut all about the face and neck. One eye swollen shut, definitely missing one of his teeth. Katie had really done a number on him, I really couldn't blame her.

"Cook, I," I started then pushed past him and ran upstairs to Naomi's room. I barged inside. I had no time for fucking pleasantries, apologies, or rage. My heart began to howl. I barged into Naomi's bathroom where I found her naked in the shower. The shower curtain was clear and I could see her. The water poured over her slender frame as she ran her hands through her blonde hair, she ran her hands over her breasts and I shuddered. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I stood there staring at her wantonly. I was a mess. I was wrecked for her, scattered like glass upon the pavement, glittering with want. She opened the curtain. I hungrily drank in all of her body, now. Her beautiful sex, how soft and wet it was. I licked my lips. "Emily?" she questioned. Not moving to cover herself, she stood before me unafraid. My heart was howling and raging within me. Maybe she should have been frightened of me, I certainly was. I dove for her. Smashing my lips upon hers, I stepped into the stream of water fully clothed. On fire and hungry for her, I roughly kissed her groaning and panting between kisses. Her body responded to my touch. Her legs parted, her breasts heaving. I managed somehow to pull my dress down; I had kicked my shoes off when I ran up the stairs. I was naked against her now. She groaned as I pushed my breasts against her, nipples erect. I kissed her again, drinking her in with pleasure. I moved my hand quickly between her legs, slippery wetness greeted me there. I moaned into her mouth. "Emily," she gasped. "What?"

I didn't know what she was asking me. At that moment my hunger consumed me. I pushed my fingers into her wetness. She moaned loudly. I pumped into her furiously kissing her. Biting her neck, sucking at her nipples, kissing her lips, the water streamed over me and I was dying for her. I embraced her body but worked it roughly, desperately, if this was going to be the last time I fucked her I wanted it to be hard. I was dying inside, I could feel it. I began to cry as I pushed into her. "Fuck." I whispered through tears. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

Naomi looked at me and pulled away. "Emily?" She questioned. No malice present in her eyes, but something else, something that terrified me.

I looked at her helplessly and picked up my dress and fled the shower. I ran into her room, hastily pulling up my now wet dress as I made for the exit. Naomi wrapped in a towel ran after me. I left my shoes behind me as I ran down the stairs. The wildness was over taking me. I loved her too much. Too fucking much to handle, I was suddenly afraid of her. I ran into the street for the car I had come to her in. I heard her yell behind me. "Emily! Emily!" I couldn't turn around or I would run back to her and let her consume me. I would surrender all of myself for her heart. It felt like a trap. It felt like danger and I couldn't take it. "I love you!" I suddenly yelled without turning around. I howled it out into the daylight. I had let it escape me. She knew the words with which to tame me now, I could be caged by her love. Captured by it and she had all the power over me. I was ashamed of myself, ashamed of my heart. I jumped in my car and drove off.

I made my way back to my flat and drug myself out of my car, sopping wet. I looked more than pathetic. I walked up to my front door to find Effy sitting on the stoop.

"Oh," she uttered looking at my disheveled appearance. "What the bloody hell happened to you?"

"I'm not talking to you, cow." I said harshly.

"Katie and I weren't exclusive, you know?" Effy said simply. "I don't know why Cook bothered her so much."

"God, you're fucking stupid!" I spat. "She loves you." I said angrily and then covered my mouth. That wasn't for me to say to Effy. That was Katie's journey. Damn it, Emily.

Effy looked shocked. "She, what?" the words fell from her mouth quizzically and her eyes betrayed her heart.

I became brave again. "You love her too, don't you?" I said shocked, yet questioning. "Why did you fuck Cook? Ever, I mean."

Effy laughed. "Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has left," she said. "I was locked into who everyone else thought I should be, you know? I didn't think I could be anyone else, certainly not someone who falls in love with a girl. I thought fucking him would make that feeling go away, that I wouldn't love anyone, anymore, it was too dangerous, Emily."

"Are you," I said. "in love?"

Effy looked at me. "Are you?"

"This isn't about me." I deflected.

"Isn't it? Aren't we all part of this Emily? We are all part of each other, our lives are intertwined. They have been since College. I am in love." She said. "I'm afraid though, that it will destroy me."

I nodded understandingly. Dripping water upon the concrete steps in front of my flat watching it seep into the thirsty concrete, I was a living example of the destruction love can do. "Who are you in love with?" I asked her. Not really wanting to know if it wasn't Katie.

Effy looked at me surprised. "Don't you know? Can't you see it in my eyes? I've never loved anyone but Katie." I heaved a heavy sigh. Effy took out a spliff and lit it, taking a heavy puff off of it, then breathing out. "When she walks into the room I see patterns and colors and haloes around her. All of her is light and beauty. She chases everything else away, Emily."

I was a little confused by Effy's words and knew Effy hid darkness I couldn't fathom. Her wildness was so much more…wild than mine. I took the spliff from her hand and took a drag off of it, holding it then breathing out. "I love, Naomi." I sputtered.

"I know." Effy said simply. "You can see it in your eyes."

I looked down ashamed. Everything had spiraled from me without my permission, from the moment I met Naomi, lust in cool whispers, affection and yearning in the sweat upon my skin, and most of all love - burning in my dark brown eyes. I didn't want to feel it anymore. I understood Effy in that moment. I almost would've done anything, to make that feeling of helplessness go away. My life was no longer my own. It was Naomi's too. It had always been for her.

"What do I do now?" I asked Effy simply.

"Do you think I know?" Effy asked me. "Look at how I've fucked things up. Do you really want to ask me what you should do?"

"I need something to hold onto. I need myself." I said.

Effy looked at me puzzled. "You need time or you'll wreck this. I don't think you can see her for awhile."

I nodded tears brimming. "Are you going to see Katie?"

"No." Effy said stubbing out the spliff on the concrete steps, standing up. "Don't tell her I was here. I just had to be near her, you know?" Then Effy, walked down the street and out of my view.

The days stretched out before me in a ceaseless fashion. I hadn't seen Naomi in weeks. Then it became months. Katie hadn't seen Effy either. We were both miserable for it. We went to work everyday and cried ourselves to sleep with longing at night. My heart howled inside my chest. I knew Katie's was howling too. We worked, we lived, we slept, we breathed, but life was all but colorless to us now. It lacked the one thing we both couldn't live without. It was the one thing Katie and I truly had in common. Passion, without it, we were hollow shells not really living, yet not quite dead. Finally we felt confident enough one night to go out together as sisters, to blow off some stress. We picked a club downtown that was an old haunt, Titan was its name. It was in a dark brick building with a black door, it wasn't elegant, but the DJ's were good and the drinks were cheap. Katie and I made our way inside and sat down. A girl approached us to take our order; she was short with shoulder length dark black hair and sparkling but sleepy green eyes. Her skin was olive tan. "Can I get you ladies anything to drink?" She was American.

"Vodka Cranberry." Katie spat. "Keep em' coming."

I shook my head. "Pint of your finest." I said. Then I leaned over to whisper to the American girl, "Don't hesitate to cut her off if she gets too drunk." I said quietly.

"Shut up, cow. I heard that." Katie laughed slapping my arm. I laughed too.

The American girl laughed effortlessly and made her way to get our drinks. I sighed. I was trying my hardest not to think of Naomi, her eyes, her lips, her hair. I snapped myself out of my reverie. Katie and I drank and laughed for hours, we talked about our parents. Their pathetic attempts to hetero-ize me and how glad we were we had each other. Then I saw it. The thing that made my stomach drop right down into an abyss, I saw her. Naomi was here. She was at a table across the room with another girl. Young, I thought. Tan, with long dark hair and chocolate brown eyes. The younger girl playfully touched Naomi's arm. Put her hand in Naomi's hair and touched the strands lovingly. I gulped hard. Katie eyed me and then followed my vision. "Ems," she started. "Don't."

I jumped out of the booth and walked straight up to the table. I was burning alive. I stood there like a statue my eyes piercing into Naomi like a thousand pins.

"Emily," she sputtered.

"Who's Emily?" The younger girl said jokingly. "Hi, I'm Karen."

I ignored her. "Hello, Naomi."

"How have you been?" Naomi feebly questioned. I could tell she was struggling.

"Fine." I said sort of coldly. "You seem to be doing well." I glanced over to this young girl named, Karen.

"Oh, what? Ems, no. I just." Naomi sputtered.

"Save it." I said spinning on my heel to go.

Naomi jumped from the table and grabbed my arm. "Let me go." I said angrily.

"Emily, don't be like this." She said softly. "What did I do?"

I turned around shocked. "Really?" I said. "You're going to go for all that?"

"I'm not with Karen," she sputtered. "Karen is my friend Freddie's sister for Christ sakes."

"Oh, that's not what it looked like." I said coldly.

"Ems, you left me on the steps that day. You don't get to be jealous." She retorted angrily.

She was right. I had abandoned her. I had screamed my love at her and I had run away. I was frightened of her power over me, instead of the opposite way around. I studied her face. The face of the woman I had fallen for and I felt weak again. Weary. I had wished for her. Wished for love and now I was trying to throw it away. I didn't know what I was doing. I wanted her I did, I just felt too broken for her to fix, too damaged by love at 25, to be loved by her.

"I wished for you." I whispered lowering my head. I stared at my shoes and noted their satin sheen and winced at my awkwardness.

Naomi pulled my chin up to meet her eyes and gazed into them. The ice blue was warm and deep like tropical waters with tiny pebbles beneath the surface. I stared into them and she spoke. "I wished for you, too."

I melted into her kiss and I felt the wildness again raging within me. I did love her and the wolf inside of me wanted to be tamed by her. It wanted to walk with her by day and by night - sleep by her feet. It wanted to be contained by her. She pulled me closer to her, our bodies pressed together for the first time in months. I groaned softly. She fit into me. Every curve locked together with mine. I wanted to be hers. "I can't." I finally uttered softly. She didn't loosen her grip on me and I could tell she didn't want to let me go.

"What?" Naomi questioned still seductive.

_God, don't do this to me. I want to be contained by you, I do. But I can't seem to understand why? I barely know you Naomi, yet I want to be yours' body and soul. Can't you see that it's terrifying?_

I fumbled for my voice. I couldn't think of what I couldn't do. I was fighting it. The feeling of helplessness welling within me, I wanted her. I did, but something inside me was killing me to get away.

Suddenly the door to the club burst open. It was Cook. He was disheveled, obviously on a nod from some type of drug. Wearing pants, a jean jacket, no shirt and boots unlaced but pulled on. "Help me, for god sake. Just fucking, help me." He uttered sounding genuinely anguished.

I saw Katie's body tense. Naomi ran over to him, sprinting to be at his side.

"Cook," she uttered lovingly "what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Not me," he gasped. "Effy…"

As soon as the word slid past his lips, Katie was on her feet running to Cook's side. None of us had seen Effy for months; she had disappeared in to Bristol's seedy under belly. She had always been the darkest of us all, the most wild. Katie was the only thing keeping her somewhat tame. And now the beast within her had been allowed to run loose, screaming into Bristol nights, cutting the darkness with her teeth.

"Where is she, Cook? Where?" Katie asked harshly clutching Cook's collar with both hands. Cook proceeded to pay her back by vomiting on her shoes. "Fuck's Sake!" Katie shouted, "Ignorant bastard!" She slapped his face to regain his attention. "Where the fuck is Effy? Where is she, Cook?"

Cook dropped to his knees, weeping softly. "The alleyway," he muttered almost beyond our hearing, "I tried, I did. I can't fucking wake her. I think she…"

Katie ran for the door, her shoes discarded. I knew that she was raging within. Naomi had Karen stay with Cook as we both followed Katie to the alleyway. Naomi was dialing for help as we ran.

As we rounded the corner into the alleyway we all gasped. Effy lay still and pale in a puddle of water. Her silver dress cast glimmering shafts of light into the water beneath her making them twist and dance. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted as if seeking a lover's kiss. Her chest was still, she was barely breathing. The silence was suddenly shattered by a violent guttural noise that terrified me, beyond words. I had never heard anything like it. It was primal, it was anguished and it came from my sister. Katie knelt near Effy, weeping unabashedly grasping at her shoulders lovingly. "Don't, just don't fucking do this to me Effy." She was pulling at her slightly, in some hope of reviving her. "Don't," Katie continued to weep. "You've made me so weak. I'm weak without you. I used to be strong, I didn't need anyone. Fucking hell, girl, don't." Her tears streamed down her face. Where the fuck was the ambulance? Where the fuck were they? "Effy, "Katie moved closer to her face. "Don't fucking go, I love you." I could no longer hold back my own tears as I moved to embrace my sister. She shrugged off my embrace leaning closer to Effy. "You can see it in my eyes, god just open your eyes and look at me. I fucking love you. Do you hear me? I've never loved anyone but you."

The sound of sirens began to wail within the scope of my hearing. I never considered myself religious in any way, but I prayed anyway. Prayed for Katie and for Effy, I prayed for absolution that I didn't know if the Universe would be willing to give. Naomi stood silent beside me, tears streaming down her beautiful face. The wolf in me, howled into the darkness. I heard Katie howling too. Soon, Naomi joined our song. Into the night it cut like a knife, slicing the fabric of our reality in two. My heart pounded in a different rhythm. Rage filled me up from within. I was angry at Cook. I ran back into the bar and ran straight for Cook, still on a nod from the drugs he took with Effy. I slid to my knees. "You fucking wanker," I screamed clutching his collar. "What did you fucking do? What did you give Effy?"

Cook gulped between his own sobs. He seemed genuinely sorry for his part in this debacle. "She and I've been inseparable these last months," he groaned. "I thought it was because she loved me. She said, 'she had to take something to forget how love feels'. I thought she meant me. I thought she was in love with me." Cook sobbed. "I didn't want to hurt her. I just wanted to ease her pain. She said that the dark ones were consuming her and that only 'one' person kept them away. I thought she meant me, didn't she?"

"Cook," I yelled. "What did you give her?"

He looked at me dumb founded. "Just, everything...I gave her everything." He said simply. "I gave her my fucking heart, my soul...my drugs, danger, hate, love, aggression, sympathy; just everything."

I felt sorry for him. I knew what it was like to love someone that much. I knew what it was to lose yourself in your desire to please them, to disappoint yourself with your neediness and reckless devotion. Effy did love Katie, I knew it then. She had needed her with all her strength and breadth to hold back the darkness. Only their love made life bearable for Effy. She was far too delicate for this world without Katie's love anchoring her to this plane of existence. Now, Effy was like a balloon barely tethered to this world, ready at any moment to float away, lost to Katie forever.

The sirens wail cut through me like a razor. I knew they were in the alleyway, Effy. Was it too late? I jumped up again and ran to the alley where I knew intricate mysteries played out before me, perhaps upon some cruel cosmic stage. Katie and Effy, were they the tragic lovers? Or were Naomi and I? I felt strange somehow, cheated by life. As if it owed me something, an easy ride perhaps. No, no one gets an easy ride. I knew that now. You have to fight, scratch, kick, claw and scream to make your way in this world. The universe owes you nothing. Nothing spreads before you, startling expanses of emptiness, cold and dark. I shivered, though the outside was warm and damp. The paramedics were loading Effy in an ambulance, an oxygen mask clinging to her face. Katie was running by her side, before they loaded her in to the bus, then the medic spoke.

"Hold on there," he started. "Are you family?"

"Wot?" Katie asked confused. "No, yes. I mean what the fuck does it matter?"

"You can't come in the bus then." He said coldly.

Suddenly Cook ran up to the medic and spoke. "I wanna go with her, I'm her brother."

Katie's mouth hung open in shock and then her features contorted in disgust. "No you're not, you fucking liar!" But before she could spit her hatred out into the night, Cook had hopped into the bus and the medic had shut the doors. The ambulance began again to wail as it left Katie standing, mascara streaming down her face in the cold emptiness of her grief. I ran to hug her, this time she accepted my embrace. I looked everywhere for Naomi, in the darkened alley, on the corner, just everywhere. Finally I saw her standing with Karen talking to police outside the club, she eyed me from a distance and our eyes locked. She knew I had to go with Katie to the hospital, she knew. Beautiful Naomi looked at me and mouthed three words at me that made tears trickle down my cheeks. _"I love you."_ She breathed into the night. I already knew. I could see it in her eyes. She couldn't hide it any better than I could. I turned and walked Katie to our car to go to the hospital and then for the second time in my life I yelled to Naomi, "I love you!" What I meant was, _"Please, capture me. Tame me. I am yours, I have always been yours; waiting, always waiting, only for you."_ I could feel hot tears run down my cheeks and my heart clench painfully as I drove away.

As I drove with Katie in silence to the hospital, my foot crushing the accelerator with its weight, I thought of her again. I silently cursed myself for being so selfish. Naomi, she had put this spark within me and now all it did was burn. Burn and burn and sear me through to my core. I felt like every single atom was on fire within me and I crackled with life and splendor in her presence. I have never felt more alone than the day I realized that I loved her. It sounds odd to say, but it's true. I had never felt more helpless and more desperate. I had wanted to love so badly, someone, and now that I did, I was more terrified of her than of anything else in my life. Not Katie's tears or anguished cries, not the looming shade of death or the rage that would follow, but of the fury and intensity of my love and her own. That frightened me. I wanted nothing more but to close my eyes tight and to reopen them, the world born anew, a place where this fear didn't exist.

We reached the hospital quickly and I parked with haste. Katie burst from the car, burning from the inside out. I followed her as quickly as I could in my dress and short heels and I cursed myself for not wearing a more practical outfit. But how could I have known what would have beheld us this night? What twists and turns fate had in store? Katie ran to the front desk.

"We're here to see one Elizabeth, er…Effy Stonem." She rambled out to the nurse at the front desk.

The heavy set nurse eyed her inscrutably and said in her flat, dull voice. "Can't take visitors just now, please wait in the 'waiting room'."

"But, but. Cook he," Katie started as I pulled her by the hand to the waiting room.

We sat for awhile in silence in the empty waiting room, I had no earthly idea why it was empty at that moment, but I was grateful when Katie's voice broke the deafening silence.

"She said, 'We think differently in darkness' Ems," Katie breathed. "I didn't know what she meant. All I knew is that I seemed to make it okay. She said, 'That there was an angel in her that she was constantly shocking'. Should I have tried to save her?" Katie looked confused and guilty, guilty that she hadn't pulled Effy from the abyss that was her psyche, but had merely thrown her the best life preserver she had, her love.

"Katie, you couldn't have done anything more than you did. You love her," I sputtered.

Katie looked away from me, then back again. She didn't deny loving Effy, there wasn't any point. "She would lie across my bed sometimes, staring at the ceiling, singing. I couldn't hear the words, but I know the melody by heart. Emily, I have always known her song."

I looked at her confused by her words. Katie was becoming almost as cryptic as Effy.

"I can't live without her, Emily." She said eyes locking with mine. "I won't be able to."

I moved to hug her swiftly, the weight of her head resting on my shoulder. She cried no tears then. Only gripped me firmly and then moved away. Katie then got up and marched out of the waiting room. I followed like a hurt puppy. It is how I always found comfort when I was younger, falling into place lock-step behind my sister. The force or her personality guiding us both, I am a woman now, however. Still, I find comfort in shadowing her steps. Comfort in…her recklessness and her daring. Katie has taken note of the nurse behind the desk's absence and is using the computer. Katie has experience with this field, working for a few years as a medical records clerk. She looks up at me, her apparent partner in crime. "Fourth floor, 453," she whispers.

We run past the shuttered doors, I had removed my heels carrying them in hand to make less noise, to the elevator reserved for doctors and nurses. The elevator arrives quietly, a small soft "ding" being the only thing alerting anyone that it had arrived. We waited hidden behind a door, unless any doctors or nurses should exit the elevator. Thankfully, it was empty. We quickly closed the space and swept into the elevator. Katie sighed heavily and pushed the button for the fourth floor. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently for reassurance. The elevator hummed and groaned as we passed the second floor, third and arrived at the fourth floor. "Ding." Waking us up from our reverie, Naomi and Effy were all we were thinking of. Our brown eyes locked together and we nodded to each other in sympathy.

We made our way to room 453 stealthily and calmly. Katie nodded to me with as much confidence as she could and twisted the door handle. Her smile was forced and broken. Cook lay in a chair near Effy's bedside. His eyes were closed, his coat draped over himself as a make-shift blanket. Effy lay in bed sleeping, there were tubes in her arms and fluids being pumped into her. God knows what, I'm not qualified enough to put on a bandage half the time, let alone diagnose Effy with anything. I stood silently by the door, guarding and awaiting Katie's reaction. She ignored Cook completely instead moving over to Effy and kissing her lightly on the forehead. Effy murmured something in her sleep, and then she began to hum softly.

"She was always singing that you know?" Cook said sadly, his eyes open and fixed on Katie's face. "Every time we were together, every god forsaken spare moment. It made her happy."

"I know," Katie responded softly gripping Effy's hand.

"Sometimes she would trail off; I don't know the whole thing." Cook admitted filled with sorrow.

And at that moment Effy, stopped humming, mid-song and Cook eyed Katie carefully, studying her. Then, Katie finished Effy's song. She had known the melody by heart. Known every note and hummed it through once more, before stopping.

"It is you then," Cook uttered softly "that she's in-love with."

Katie looked at Cook with tears in her eyes, brimming at her eyelids threatening to spill upon her pale cheeks. Those tears would stain her heart forever, she loved her. I knew it. The intimacy and honesty of the moment forced me to look away. I suddenly bolted from room 453, running to the elevator. My breathing was uneven and staggered. I was jealous of my sister in that moment. I felt selfish and stupid. I had expected to see Naomi, wanted to see her and she hadn't come. Why would she? I made my way to the roof to get some fresh air. Pushing open the large steel green door and breathing in the crisp Bristol air that smelled like rain and soft, damp leaves. I wrapped my arms around myself and pushed my hand through my flame red hair, sighing softly. I looked up at the stars, twinkling in the distance. They shivered in the cold, vast, emptiness of space and as I looked at them, I shivered too.

"Beautiful isn't it? Just god damn, beautiful." A soft voice from behind me said. A voice, I would recognize anywhere, a voice that filled my dreams and played in my ears like sweet music. Naomi.

I turned in the direction of her voice. She sat upon the ledge sideways in tight skinny jeans, low top Chuck Taylors and a vintage t-shirt. She had taken off her jacket that she had been wearing in the club and was hugging her knees to her chest. Her hair was slightly curled and her eyes looked weary and sad. The wind blew her hair behind her and tossed her blonde locks carelessly.

"Wot?" I asked again, sounding like a ridiculous idiot. Why couldn't I ever be smooth around this girl?

"You," She uttered thoughtfully. "You are beautiful."

I stood silently blushing in my red blouse and short black skirt, stockings pulled up to my mid-thigh. My shoes I had left behind me, again. I also, apparently could never wear shoes around this girl. I laughed at myself internally for being so ridiculous.

"I love you, Emily." Naomi said to me without hesitation.

"Naomi, don't," I began feebly. "Love is painful, love is complicated. You hardly know me."

Naomi slid from the ledge and moved towards me. "What does that matter? I feel it here, Emily." She tapped the space beneath her chest, where her heart lay. "I feel it so damn much. I can't feel anything else but you. And Love isn't painful, Emily. But do you know what is?" She raised her eyebrows questioningly, I shook my head. "Rejection is and sorrow, loneliness, and fear. Those all come with it, 'being in love.' People confuse those for love. But no, love doesn't hurt at all. Love is wonderful. It feels like heaven. Your kiss, your soft skin, your laughter and your heart beating against mine; it is everything I never knew I wanted. It is everything I'll ever need. It doesn't hurt. Love can be wonderful, Ems. I want you to realize that. As soon as you do, we'll be okay."

"You make it sound so simple, Naomi." I said tired.

"It is simple, Ems. I would give up anything on this Earth for your heart in exchange for mine. I have spent useless nights searching for something to fill the empty spaces within me. Something to make me a better person, less lonely; you do that Emily. You flow over me like water and fill the cracks in my soul. You are everywhere within me, now. But you've broken me in many ways too. Don't you realize Emily, what you break is what you own?" Naomi looked at me pleadingly.

She had pulled her heart out before me and her heart pulsed its rhythm inside my head. It bled across mine and the animal within me cried out for her.

"Naomi, I'm broken in ways you can't fix." I uttered.

"Won't you even let me try? Won't you even give 'us' that chance? What are you really afraid of, Emily?"

The wind blew my flame red hair around me. I stood in silence for a moment as I looked at the woman who could be either my salvation or my destruction. I chewed on my bottom lip. I looked down at my feet, tried looking everywhere but at her face. I looked back up to see that Naomi had moved closer to me. She was mere inches from me now. I began to tremble in earnest.

"I'm afraid of you." I said softly.

"Why?" Naomi almost whispered.

"If you break my heart, it will destroy me. I will be utterly broken. I've had a broken heart before, but I didn't care for any of those girls the way I care about you. The way…I love you." I said tears filling my brown eyes, making it difficult to see. "I ran from you because all I want is to be yours, I would give up my entire self to be with you. That doesn't feel right, Naomi."

Naomi raised her hand to my cheek and stroked it gently. "I don't want you to give up yourself. I want you to 'be' yourself, with me, always. I want to be your protector, your lover, your shelter. I want you to be mine. I want you to belong to me, only in the ways that involve loving you. That doesn't seem so scary, does it?" She questioned.

I look at her beautiful face and her honesty makes me weep.

"What if you change your mind? What if you want someone else?" I sputter.

"You feel like home to me, Emily. Anyone else would feel wrong. I don't want anyone else, but I can't spend my life worrying about whether you'll stop loving me. I just have to spend everyday making you feel loved and hope you feel the same. We're wasting our now, worrying about the future. Our now is slipping away from us. I want to spend every second I can with you. I'm in love with you and I dare you to love me back."

"What?" I sputter, shocked by her boldness.

"I said. I dare you to love me back." She replied steadily.

"What are we twelve or something?" I laugh a little jaded, but light-heartedly.

"I dare you to be reckless and foolish and to stop thinking so much for once. I dare you to delve headlong into the darkness and let it wrap its arms around you."

I folded my arms across my chest, shifting my weight onto my hip defiantly. "Oh, Naomi that is an easy thing for you to say and it all sounds so pretty, but I've lived long enough to know that pretty words are just that, pretty words."

Naomi flinched at my response. I think her mouth must've gone dry, because she tucked her lip beneath her teeth and sighed. She pushed her hand through her beautiful honey blonde hair and let her ice blue eyes shift to the ground. She's giving up. I have pinned her to the mat, the countdown has begun. 10…9…8…7…

"Do you think this has been easy for me, Emily?"

"Wot?" I ask again, a little upset that I couldn't come up with a more cogent response.

"Easy for me to admit, that I loved a girl? That "you" above all others, has claimed my heart? Restless and bruised, broken and dark, it's fucking yours if you want it. But do you? Do you want it?" Tears were forming in her perfect eyes and my resolve was crumbling. She was fighting hard for me. I didn't mean to make her work so hard but I was scared, so scared of being in love with her; that I was trying to push her away.

"Fine," she said finally."I can't make you admit it, but you fucking know you love me. I can see it in your eyes, Emily. Run from it all you like, but some day it will hunt you down and claim you. I might not be there waiting anymore. I will always fucking love you, but I won't wait. You ache for me the way I ache for you. And when it finds you, it will rip you open inside. It will gut you completely. I know, because I've felt it."

I gasped at her words. It wasn't an ultimatum, it wasn't a dare. She was calling me out. I didn't know what to do. I trembled lightly as I moved towards her. I shifted my body against hers and I felt her shudder at my closeness. I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her waist. I nestled my neck against her soft warm skin and rested my head on her shoulder. I softly began to cry. Naomi wrapped her arms around me and chuckled softly. "We're quite the pair aren't we, Ems?"

I nodded softly into her as we embraced.

"Come on," Naomi said quietly. "Let's go check in on Effy."

"Cook and Katie were doing fine," I sniffle.

"God, you left those two alone?" She questions laughing lightly. "They hate each other."

"They both love the same person," I say softly. "I think it's driving them both crazy."

"Love makes you do funny things. Makes you crazy." Naomi admits softly again. She pulls from our embrace and takes my hand in her own. I smile down at our entwined fingers. It feels right, to be here falling head over heels for her.

Destiny is a word people throw around. Every major moment in your life is "_your destiny_," some special moment that you discovered like treasure, lost in the sands of time. I feel like Naomi is my discovery. That I've spent 25 years digging through the ash and rubble of my life and found her, a shining jewel in a world of rough, dark spaces. I think that she is my destiny. I was meant to love her and that every love story that has ever been written is about us, somehow. Every scribe that has ever held a pen was writing about us and they didn't even know it. I look up at her. Her eyes are filled with love and seem tired. Despite her weariness, she shines. She shines like a diamond in the darkness. I see her. I know who she is and whether I like it or not I think she sees me. Really sees who I am and that still scares me. I didn't think I was worth loving. Little Emily Fitch, whose afraid of being alone, who quirks her right leg involuntarily in photographs, who licks her lips nervously too frequently; how can I be the person I see in her eyes?

When you are afraid to let people in, you find every reason to question their sincerity. What do they want from you, sex, money, drugs, something less tangible? I was always searching for reasons to distrust people I met, to keep them at arms length. I knew that every time I trusted someone and they had let me down, it was like they took a piece of my god damn soul. I wanted to fall in love, but not carelessly or recklessly. Not without all reason or sanity, not the way Naomi makes me feel. But that isn't how love works. Love is reckless and dangerous, heart slamming up against your ribcage and fucking on the kitchen floor. Love is tender kisses and passionate whispers, love is shaking as you hold her and swearing to God nothing on Earth would ever feel as perfect. Love is dangerous, beautiful and strange. Fuck. It is wonderful. It's dark and terrifying and burns me up from the inside out, but fuck me, it is wonderful.

Naomi and I walk silently to the elevator and make our way back to Effy's room. By now, the nurse had discovered Cook and Katie and perhaps tossed them out. We had to find out, either way. We made our way into Effy's room silently. Cook and Katie were both passed out in chairs on either side of Effy.

"Fuck me running." Naomi whispered.

"I'd love to try," I giggle softly.

"You're a shameless pervert, Emily Fitch." Naomi says chuckling softly. Her laughter at any volume is a sound that makes me shiver. I would gladly spend my life making her laugh. A nurse walks in as we stand silent sharing affectionate looks between us.

"Oh, more rule breakers. Eh?" The heavy set nurse with dull flat brown hair and dark eyes questions. Naomi and I exchange glances. I sputter softly.

"Sorry, we just. We had to know she was okay." Naomi nods in agreement.

"Well, damage is done. I won't tell if you won't." The nurse utters shocking us both. "Doctors won't be back til' morning though, so you'll have to sleep here. I'll get some cots and pillows."

"Thank you," I whisper as she leaves the room. She waves her hand back at me in some gesture of acknowledgement.

The nurse returns with cots and pillows and Naomi and I cram ourselves onto our tiny individual cots and say our 'good nights.' I lie awake with my eyes open staring at the ceiling. Soft light is filtering in through the windows, the sterile, medicinal smell filling my nostrils and assaulting my senses. I'm thinking about everything and nothing, all at once. Suddenly Naomi's whisper breaks the silence.

"Ems, you still awake?"

"Yeah," I say softly "I can't sleep."

I hear more than see Naomi adjust herself in her tiny cot. "These cots are shite. I thought we paid for the honeymoon suite."

I chuckle quietly at her spirit in even the darkest situations. I can imagine her sarcastic humor coming up in various circumstances in my future life. Her humor is her shield against the world. Without it, I don't think she could defend herself against the sheer misery of it. I understand her, I really do. It's something I love about her. Effortlessly, she knows how to make me smile when I should cry. I turn to face her in the darkened room, uncomfortably lying on my side, one arm tucked beneath my head.

"Oh, expecting a shag now are we? Just because you forked out big bucks doesn't mean I'm a cheap date."

I can tell she must be frowning. "Well, yeah. But you are kinda cheap." Her girlish laughter is soft as I take one of my shoes and toss it haphazardly towards her, hoping desperately to hit her with it.

"Cheeky bastard, stop perving on me and go to sleep."

"Emily, I will always be perving on you. I'm never not perving on you."

"Awww that is so sweet, Naoms. You are a true romantic and always know just what to say." I laugh huskily shooting her a sexy smile in the darkness. "Now go to sleep or I swear I will spank you so hard."

"Promises, promises," I hear her whisper through a stifled yawn.

I drift off to sleep. Honey blonde hair flowing in my vision, cascading over me like water. Lips as soft as velvet brushing mine, skin like silk beneath my fingertips…

The morning vaults itself into the sky, the sun burning with intensity. It brings with it, news of Effy's condition. Naomi, Katie, Cook and I listen to the doctor explain it to us and reason with us. Snippets of the conversation fly past me. Stomach pumped. Drug overdose. Bi-polar disorder. Medication for life. I eye Katie watching her body language for a sign of weakness or sorrow. Instead I am surprised by the strength and resolve I see shining in her eyes. She loves Effy, enough to embrace it all.

The darkened spaces in her soul, the joy of her love, the agony of her disease, the soft warmth of her laughter, Katie embraces everything with an intensity and fortitude I didn't think she possessed. To be completely honest, I always thought her a bit shallow. She's my sister sure, but she's no fucking saint. No one is. The sooner you accept that, the better off and the happier you'll be. Everybody's going to let you down sometime, the only question is when. The real question is, are they worth suffering for? Sometimes though, people they surprise you in only the most delightful ways. This is one of those occasions. Breathe deep. It's going to be okay. I don't really know if I'm thinking of myself or Katie when I say this in my head, maybe both. Breathe deep; it's going to be okay.

I talk to Naomi over the phone frequently over the next couple of months. Honestly there is a lot to sort out in this head of mine. It's quite cluttered with all the baggage of past relationships and disappointments. I am fearful that I might wait to long, Naomi's words ring out in my head. _"You fucking know you love me. I can see it in your eyes, Emily. Run from it all you like, but some day it will hunt you down and claim you. I might not be there waiting anymore. I will always fucking love you, but I won't wait. You ache for me, the way I ache for you."_ And I do, ache for her, so badly, almost every minute of the day. Lots of stuff has been happening honestly, with Katie and Effy. The latter just now learning to manage her life-long condition, the former, the loving spouse. Me? I'm the confidant, the shield bearer against all of life's less important matters, but I want to spend some time on getting what I want and where I want to be. The answer to both is with Naomi.

I set out from my flat wearing tight skinny jean shorts a tight black top that hugs my body in all the right places and low top chuck taylors in royal blue. My hair now a deep shade of mahogany brown is pulled back in a playful ponytail and my piercings on full display. I drive to Naomi's apartment not with intensity or need, but with joy in my heart. I think I'm ready to admit that I love her. Ready to embrace the love she's offering me. I knock on the door apprehensively, feeling for all the world like a school girl with her first crush.

Cook opens the door and smiles at me, a different greeting this time, a better one. "Hey kid, long time no see. Our gal has been missing you."

I smile effortlessly. "Yeah, I've missed her too. I wanna surprise her Cook, can I go upstairs?"

"Sure, Emilio Lestevez anything you want."

I wince at his nickname for me, smiling slightly.

"Thanks, Cook."

I slowly and quietly make my way up her stairs. Carefully tip toeing to her room. Instinct tells me I should knock. My mother's voice in my head tells me 'not to be impolite.' God, fuck my mother. Excruciatingly slow I push the door open a crack. I freeze as I spot Naomi lying on her bed.

She is lazily stroking her erect nipples and her eyes are shut. I curse the thin bed sheet that covers her from the waist down. I spot slight but definitive movement beneath it. She is touching herself. My god, that is hot. My mouth goes dry. I should announce my presence but I don't, instead I perve on the object of my affection, my lust rising within me. Emily Fucking Fitch, you're hopeless. Her movements become more frenzied and soft moans are involuntarily escaping her lips, soft words spilling from her perfect lips. "Emily." She groans. Oh, my giddy, giddy aunt, she's thinking about me. I lick my lips. She begins to buck her hips into her hand. I can safely say it's the hottest thing I have ever seen. Her movements mercifully cause the bed sheet to drape across her thighs, giving me a full view of her display. I can see her wetness from across the room. Like a fucking bat with sonar, I hear it as her fingers drag through her folds as she moves up and brushes her clit. My breathing is becoming labored, I am so fucking wet right now. I have past the point of being able to say, _"So, how are you doing?" _or some other random pleasantries. I am officially Emily Fitch "Peeping Tom of Bristol."

Naomi sharply inhales as she pushes her fingers into her wetness. "Emily." She moans. "Emily, God I missed you." My heart, my fucking heart is killing me. I thump my chest to dismiss it but it fucking hits back. Slams against my ribcage so hard I think I might die. I move into the room and softly shut the door, my legs carrying me beyond my reasoning. My brain is screaming. _"What the actual fuck are you doing, Emily?" _I can't bear to listen to it. My love for her is burning me up inside and my desire will not let the wolf in me rest. It howls into the empty spaces in my soul. Naomi was wrong. My love for her had long since claimed me. It did tear me up inside, it did for a little while. But now, all that's left is love. Just love. I softly lean down to her lips. They are parted slightly with her soft moans escaping them. "I missed you too," I say huskily but honestly. I brush my lips against hers in a gentle kiss and pull away.

Naomi gasps and her eyes flutter open. Her cheeks go scarlet, but she has never looked more gorgeous. Her pupils are huge and her ice blue eyes don't seem to hold any anger within them. The silence holds us both within its spell.

"Your hair, it's so…brown." She says breathlessly after what feels like forever of gazing into each other's eyes.

"Yeah," I huskily breathe while pulling my lips into a tiny smile. "It is."

Naomi pulls me towards her suddenly and kisses me fiercely growling as my tongue enters her mouth. We kiss unabashedly, recklessly. My heart hammers against my ribcage, it speaks to me of my love for her. I place her hand over my chest and break our kiss to look into her eyes. "Do you feel what you do to me, Naomi? I have always loved you."

She smiles at me so brightly then, that I swear I just might burst from happiness, from sheer joy. Tiny bits of Emily Fitch scattered about, like so much confetti at a New Years Eve Party.

We kiss more passionately than I ever remember being kissed. It's like her mouth and her tongue know exactly what to do to bring out the desire in me, my wetness pooling between my legs. "Christ, Naomi." I gasp between kisses. "I can't stand it. I can't."

"It's okay." She whispers taking down my hair and running her hands through it and around my neck. She's marveling at the difference in it with reverence. "It's okay, It's okay." And I know it will be. I just know.

I continue by kissing down her neck and sucking it softly, then hard, licking it. Making her make an orchestra of noises that delight me, a symphony of sounds I want to spend the rest of my life hearing. I fondle her nipples, squeezing them between my fingertips and then brushing them slightly. She gasps and writhes beneath me. "Ems, I need to feel you inside me." Naomi whispers breathlessly. I gasp at her honesty and marvel at her fierceness, she is unafraid of me, of making love to me and bearing her soul to me. I am in awe at her bravery. She knows that sex is more than sex. It is stripping down your layers until you are at your most vulnerable. Bearing her throat to the wolf within me and trusting me not to rend her asunder. I slowly trail my hand down her body, bringing shivers from Naomi and gasps of anticipation. I slide my fingers in her wetness and groan. She is soaked to the core and I can't even find the words to describe it. It is beautiful. I slowly pull my fingers out then drag them through her folds and brush her clit. She gasps as I gather more wetness and then plunge two fingers into her heated center. Her moan is loud and expressive and her body jerks upwards, her back arching gracefully, her blonde hair splaying out across the pillow in an ocean of soft curls.

My rhythm is steady and methodical. A thin sheen of sweat covers us both. I'm burning up from the inside out. I withdraw my fingers momentarily, hearing Naomi grunt in disapproval. I swiftly remove my top and bra. She smiles so differently at me, so hungrily. She sits up slightly and catches one of my nipples in her mouth. Kneading the other between her fingers, I moan with appreciation. "Ffffff…uck," I sputter. "Naomi, I want you to fuck me now." She growls her consent and unbuttons my shorts and tugs at them roughly. Somehow, miraculously I get out of my clothes with some grace, not flailing about in my usual excited and I've been told, adorable fashion. We kiss again with passion and need. Naomi reaches between my legs and finds my wetness waiting there for her. "Oh, Emily you're so wet." I say nothing but tuck my bottom lip between my teeth and look at her innocently but seductively. She groans and kisses me again while she pushes her fingers inside of me. I cannot stifle the moan of ecstasy that spills from my lips.

"God, Naomi," I groan "You feel so good inside of me."

She is trembling with desire as she hungrily looks at me and drinks me in. I have never felt more attractive in my entire life as I did in that moment. I move my hand back down between her legs and bury two of my fingers inside of Naomi. She moans as she captures my mouth fiercely. I almost want to cry from the passion that is overwhelming me. I push it down. I kiss her with abandon as her touch burns across my body and she brands her name across my heart with her fingertips. I'm amazed at the way she touches me with such love and affection, the way she fills me completely, hard and fast, then slowly and methodically. Every single touch and caress, designed to bring me pleasure.

My body feels electric. Every atom within me is pulling and dancing beneath my skin. I feel electricity surging within me. Humming through my body down to my core, I'm surging like the tide. She is breaking against me like waves upon the shore, pounding into me, overwhelming me.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." I whisper in her ear and pull back from her slightly to see her face. The smile that graces it will never ever fade from my memory. It is filled with hope and desire, love and affection and her blue eyes sparkle in the low light of her bedroom.

"I love you, Emily," she says smiling, never stopping her slow rhythm in and out of me. I shudder and throw my head back.

"Say it again." I say huskily.

"I love you, Emily. I love you." Her fingers are driving me wild now; I buck into her harder, trying to get her to increase her rhythm. She complies by kissing me furiously and pushing faster, harder. I'm getting so close. It feels like falling, it feels like dying. It is amazing and I never knew I would ever be this unafraid.

I leap from the cliffs with abandon. I am unafraid. My orgasm rips through my body and I arch my back and fix my eyes on Naomi. They are locked onto hers. I want to shut them but I force myself to look at her. "Ffffffucckk. Yes. Yes. God, yes." I'm gasping out as I feel my muscles clench and my body shiver. I feel limitless, I feel wonderful, and I feel infinite.

I gasp for breath as she holds onto me lovingly. I kiss her furiously, repeatedly. Lovingly and passionately, I'm not done with her yet. I push her down onto the bed, growling with desire as I do so.

"Ems?" She asks me breathlessly again. It seems to be more a plea than a question.

I grin broadly at her kissing her slowly down her body. I lick and suck every sweet, soft, smooth spot upon her skin. I relish the taste of her upon my tongue, honey, jasmine and salt. I make love to Naomi as long as I possibly can, my biceps burning, and my tongue spasming from overuse. I tell her I love her repeatedly. I want it to sink in.

"I'm not running away," I say finally falling down beside her, my brown hair clinging to my face in some places with sweat. Naomi rolls over to me and reaches up to brush it out of my face with her hand, lovingly tracing my jaw line.

"Thank god, Emily Fitch. Because I don't think I have the strength to kill you right now." She says laughing softly, she moves closer to me and kisses my lips gently. I kiss her passionately back.

Naomi and I finally break from our intense and passionate reunion; I suddenly remember my Thursday dinner engagement with Katie. "Fuck." I whisper. "She's going to kill me; I am going to be late." I hastily pull on my outfit while Naomi looks on.

"She, eh?" Naomi questions.

"Oh, no, no. Katie. I'm late for a dinner date with my sister." Suddenly Naomi laughed seeming somewhat relieved.

"So, you're getting on well now, then?"

"God, no. We hate each other, but we've got to eat," I joke. "We might as well have decent looking company."

Naomi laughs harder and pulls me back down to the bed for more kissing. "Your so adorable, Ems."

"No one can blame me for speaking the truth," I say cheekily.

"Me either. You are fucking gorgeous," Naomi growls while hugging me tighter.

I giggle contentedly. Is this what its like, to be with someone? So effortless and unguarded, free and feather soft upon your soul? Is this what we spend our lives searching for? Fighting for? Dying for? I think so. I searched a long time for this. I would fight for it and I would certainly die for it. I know it won't be easy all the time, I know we may someday yell at each other and cold, hard words will fall from our lips like jagged shards of glass and cut our tender hearts. I might dislike her behavior at times, but I know I will always love her.

Naomi pulls me from my reverie. "Earth to Emily, Earth to Emily. Are you in there?"

I chuckle softly. "Hmmm?" I ask.

"Will Effy be there at the dinner?"

"I think so," I muse thoughtfully. "She's doing well, Naoms. You should see her, it's really amazing."

"Do you suppose I should go?" Naomi asks almost bashfully. It touches my heart more than you can imagine.

"Of course," I shout excitedly. "You're my proper girlfriend, now."

"Oh, I am?" She says to me jokingly.

"Well," I look down again shyly. "If you want to be, I mean. Because, I thought that we…I, just."

Naomi kisses me furiously to stop my babbling. "Of course I want to be. I've wanted to be yours since the moment I laid eyes on you. So yes, I'm yours."

"I like that." I say sincerely.

"I've always been yours. I just didn't know it yet. I was always waiting for you to come and claim me." She finishes simply while stroking my jaw line softly with adoration in her pale blue eyes.

"I'm yours completely, Naomi." I say truthfully. "I always will be, so be careful with my heart, okay?"

"Okay." She says lovingly. "Okay." She utters thoughtfully again as if given the most important information in the world, the weight of it, now fully upon her.

"Hurry and get dressed, yeah? Katie is going to kill us."

"Me? You're the one who turned this into a sex-marathon!" Naomi says laughing while quickly pulling on clothes.

"Oh, Naomi blaming me will only get you punished," I joke.

"Always with the delightfully pervy promises, Fitch. Put your money where your mouth is."

"That seems a trifle unsanitary." I say laughing loudly.

"Your mind is always in the gutter, Fitch." Naomi says slapping my arm playfully as she slips on her Chuck Taylors.

"Always," I say smiling.

We both file downstairs quietly to find Cook on the couch watching telly, seemingly uninterested in our presence. I nervously clear my throat, which makes him turn his head to acknowledge our presence. I have a feeling, however that we were less than quiet.

"Oh, hello ladies," Cook bellows cheerfully, although I suspect it's somewhat fake. A mask he wears that he doesn't allow to slip too often, for fear of being discovered. Found out as the angry little boy who desperately wants to be loved. I smile at him somewhat empathetically.

"Hello, Cook," I say softly and sweetly to him. I see him differently now than I did before. I only saw the exterior before, the mask. But now I see beneath that, the boy who loved someone who didn't love them back – at least not the way he wanted. Love will save you someday, Cook. I promise.

"So, you made up good and proper then," Cook questions smiling at Naomi and myself.

"Yeah, we're proper girlfriends now," Naomi jokes pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Cheeky bastard," I squeal. "Don't make fun of me!" I pout in her arms but I can't fight the broad smile that is creeping across my face. Naomi kisses the top of my head lovingly.

"Going out then?" Cook asks smiling.

"Yeah," I say rather quickly. "Meeting Katie and Effy for dinner." As soon as Effy's name slides past my lips I regret saying it. It feels clunky and hollow in the living room and clatters to the floor like cheap silverware. Cook looks back at the telly, briefly stiffening before looking back to me and responding.

"How is Effy is she okay?" He sounds genuinely concerned.

"Yeah," I say again softly. "She's good Cook, she's happy. I promise."

"That's good," He says thoughtfully, unshed tears forming in his eyes. He sets his jaw tightly shut and I feel bad watching him fighting the urge to let them spill from his weary eyelids. I impulsively rush towards him and give him a brief but tight hug. We hug for a few seconds and I feel Cook release me reluctantly. I don't think that Cook hugs anyone very often. "Thanks Emilio, man," he says smiling at me, eyes still watery. "You ladies have fun tonight alright? I don't know how but I'm exhausted from listening to you two. Hot lezzer action there, girls." He giggles boyishly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oy!" Naomi yelps swatting his arm.

"Freds is coming over laters and we're gonna watch some football, I'll tell him you ladies said 'hi'."

"Thanks, Cook." I say sweetly. Naomi gently kisses Cook on the forehead before we grab her keys and are out the door.

We walk hand in hand to Naomi's car. Her hand grasping mine is burning every inch of skin she is covering. My heart is beating like a drum inside my chest. Will it always feel like this? Just being with her? Will it always have this intensity, this passion? I hope so. I honestly hope it never fades. Naomi's car is cute, small and rather pink. I laugh out loud.

"What? Are you laughing at my car, Emily?"

"No well, yes. I can't help it. I didn't expect it to be pink." I'm almost dying from containing my giggles.

"Well, if you want a ride, you better well stop laughing." Naomi sternly chastises, although she's smiling softly at me.

We reach the restaurant in no time, a place where we've eaten a million times as sisters, Red Dragon Pub. This time however, instead of two there are four. Instead of halves there are whole entities.

It is said that we once were all joined together and the gods angry at our power, jealous of our unity and love; tore us in two and scattered us across the globe. Your purpose here on this planet is to find that other half, that perfect fit. The person who locks into place inside of your soul and completes your existence, I know that Naomi is that person. It still scares me a bit honestly, but not enough to run. No matter what happens to us, I know that she'll be the only person that's a perfect fit for me. If I wanted anyone else, I'd have to file down the edges of my soul and try to cram them into a "Naomi shaped" space, ultimately I know that it would never work. Never be, like this feels. My heart slams against my ribcage when she kisses my lips, almost bursts from my chest when we make love, flutters at her every word and melts at her every glance. I am one of the lucky ones, I suppose because I found her so soon. Now, I have to figure out a way to never let her go.

We enter the restaurant and are seated. Effy and Katie are actually late, fucking hell. I chuckle softly. No sooner had I made up my mind to give Katie a good "talking to" than they burst in the front door. Effy's hair looked slightly disheveled and Katie's didn't fair well either I mused. Their clothes looked hastily assembled and they both looked slightly guilty. Slowly they both made their way towards our table.

"Nice to see we're not the only ones late." I say laughing softly.

"Fuck off," Katie said slightly annoyed but Effy just stroked her arm soothingly. "Hello, Naomi, nice to see you here. Does this mean you and my sister have decided to shag good and proper and call it a day?"

Naomi laughed beautifully and expressively. "Something like that Katie. Something like that. We're proper dating, that's all sorted."

"Good, but break her heart Naomi and I'll kill you slowly. I promise." Katie said smiling.

"Whoa," Naomi said waving her hands in surrender before herself. "I don't plan it. I'm keeping this one. I love her."

"And she loves you," I say pecking Naomi lovingly on the lips.

"Thank god. I was blinded by the love you both were throwing off at each other, thought it might kill me," Effy finally said simply.

"What about you two, all sorted then?" Naomi said looking from Effy to Katie.

"Yeah, I love her with all of my being." Effy said kissing Katie softly on the lips.

Katie blushed but smiled broadly. "I've always loved Effy, Naomi. Couldn't you see it in my eyes?"

"Yes, yes I could." Naomi said reverently. She turned her head to look at me and what she saw looking back at her made her chest tighten and swell with joy. My love, my love shone back at her through my chocolate brown orbs and it bathed her in their glow. Everything, just everything was on my face, I could never hide it and I didn't really want to. It made me whole, it made me complete.

I looked upon the face of my salvation and her azure blue eyes pierced my soul. I leaned forward and kissed her lips, soft like velvet, skin like silk. It would always feel this way. My heart slammed against my ribcage and I took Naomi's hand and put it over it. "I love you. Forever," I whispered.

"Only forever?" She whispered back cheekily.

"No longer than that, I'm sure of it." I finally said sweetly kissing her again.

**::Thanks for reading everyone. If you liked it, review me. I might just write another. 42 pages later and more of my self-esteem lost, I finish another fan fic. *laughs* ****- whiplash-girlchild ::**


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